Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
