She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
