my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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