I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
