is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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