I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
