Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
