every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
