did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
