The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
