Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
