She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
