Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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