fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
