Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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