I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
