god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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