Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
