If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
