you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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