Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
