I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
