he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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