I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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