Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's blow job season.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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