I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
