I'm so fucking centered right now
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
