I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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