the condom got lost in my hair
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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