maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
