i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
