you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
