and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
