I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
