For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
