benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
