winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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