so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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