Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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