are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
