i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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