if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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