Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
