im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
