Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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