so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
