Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he thought i was a dude.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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