Your face is a jimmy john
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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