This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
