My balls are so social today.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
