I hope mine doesn't look like that
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
