I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
