doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
